Bob's first week back

My first week back was tough. Too many catch-ups, to-dos, and attention grabbing problems to plow through. But...I have been working being in relationship and watching for the urge to, and signs of, disappearing up into my head. Countless times I elected not to climb those stairs and to stay present with whomever I was in contact. I loved how present I felt on Pilgrimage, particularly the second half. I have been able to hang on to that for my first week and I am very pleased.

The biggest opportunity to be present is right at home with my wife, Karen. I have been talking to her about all kinds of things, including my affection for her, our financial situation, and how we relate to our relatives. It's a trip.

For my birthday, which was the 13th, I invited my Mother-in-law and Karen's Uncle to dinner.
I talked about the Pilgrimage and worked to be in relationship with them. I was surprised to find that they were relationship shy and resisted. But we had an excellent meal and I had fun. My biggest success was with my Mother-in-law. I've decided to invite her to do some volunteering at the Laurel House Thrift Shop, which has leadership and financial problems.

My biggest relationship challenges, after bosses, are my Mother and Sister. In talking to my Mom I noticed her moves to end being in relationship and realized how terrified she is of not saying the right thing or not having anything to say. I worked hard to stay present and bring her along. It worked and we had a great conversation. My sister is still not talking to me. Somehow my going on Pilgrimage and not spending my vacation with Mom and her was very big for her. I am beginning to realize how needy she is and how deeply embedded in her own victimhood she is. I don't like her at all and find her petty, self-pitying, and incredibly superior. I think my job is to stay Bob, to hold my values and to express my judgments, as well as to empathize with her predicaments.

I was very moved saying prayers for friends and relatives on Shiva the mountain. My empathy and sadness poured out. I am going to use some of that energy to support my sister.

My boss was on vacation this week. He left me a laundry list of things to do. My first reaction was no-fucking-way, but then I looked past the work to see his fear of being out of control. I worked all weekend to get the jobs done. I'm meeting with him first thing this morning. I feel like I am aligning myself to be in good boss-employee relationship. Sunday was my birthday and my present to myself was being a good employee. I feel great!

I was amazed at how present and alive Sri Sri Ravi Shankar and the the Jain couple were. They were almost luminous in their total presence. I am working on developing that level of being present. I was also very impressed with how rock solid their commitments were. I admired that and want to be a man of commitment, too.

Bob